the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
