I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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