Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
