She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have aggressive nipples.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
