guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize