the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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