My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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