We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize