some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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