TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize