Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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