I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
