the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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