Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
