just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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