have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
