spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
