Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize