You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
