white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
