dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
