I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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