she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
