I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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