He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You need a sexual gate keeper
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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