this just has baby written all over it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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