How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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