walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
