Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
