I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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