why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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