The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize