I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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