the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She bit a glass in half.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize