yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
