just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
