So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
