I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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