Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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