True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
