i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
