My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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