Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Two words: nipple clamps
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