you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I need a burrito and a hug.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
