I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize