All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
