I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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