honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize