Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I AM VODKA MAN
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
