How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize