This dress was meant to end up on your floor
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
