Do you still have your period?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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