....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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