Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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