Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
