I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
