I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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