Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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