I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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