Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So much rum. So many feels.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
