He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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