eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
