Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
