4 words: hood of his car
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
