smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Someone came in the potted fern
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
