capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
