You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
