I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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