Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
