then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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