i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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