I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize