I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
