My nipple is on Facebook.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
