one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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