She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
