laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
