you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize