just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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