Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
